Don't mind the jumbled mess here.

Apparently I’m the perverted one now.

I should have been a dick and blown up your notifications before I did that

Oh well, opportunity wasted

I love how I just find an amazingly funny text post
That I’ll show my friends around me

And then forget to reblog it

If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you.

amysdead:

IT’S SLEEPOVER FRIDAY Y’ALL

send me:

- stories about your crush/better half/whatever

- embarassing stories

- truths or dares

- just stories in general

it’s like a fifth grade sleepover, anything goes ok

iamtonysexual:

hausereiring:

roxion:

you don’t know pain or agony until you’ve lost to the same boss fight more than 3 times

and then you have the unskippable cutscene dialogue memorized, so you start repeating it in a mocking, angry voice

spreadthecheese:

so i searched hitler on google and…

nataliaohhnatalia:

asliceandaspritetogo:

cockchomp:

what the actual fuck if cats aren’t born on drugs then i don’t even know

imagine all the weird cat shit not caught on video

Hey look I’m on video

wandererofgallifrey:

waterfallfish:

Ugh how do you expect me to decide what college to attend or who I want to marry or what I want to do for the rest of my life
I CAN’T EVEN DECIDE WHERE TO PUT A STICKER BECAUSE PEELING OFF THE BACK AND HAVING IT STAY IN ONE PLACE FOREVER IS TOO BIG OF A COMMITMENT FOR ME TO LIVE WITH

i thought i was the only person who felt that way about stickers

squareclocks:

kushroom:

so you’re saying I can win 5 iphones every day??? and all I have to do is give my credit card number on this website I’ve never heard about??? well slam me in my tender butthole sir you’ve just got yourself a deal

Slam me in my tender butthole

I think I’ve just found my new favorite phrase.

paynenvy:

hahry:

should i do homework or burn my school

the first one sounds like a lot of work

tobeymacguire:

mental illness doesnt go away just because you fall in love

if someone is ill and you want to be in a relationship with them dont expect to cure them

their disease is not going to disappear so that you can have your happy ending

phonographzerohash:

bless u cyborg